Forget those people who complained about explaining gay marriage to their kids. That’s really not that difficult (Dave and Derek love each other very much, just like mummy and daddy, Susan and Jeremy from down the road, and Uncle Chris and that pillow with a Japanese cartoon girl on it). But how do you, as a British parent, explain Pi Day of all things to a child?
“Well Stevie, Pi is the number 3.14 that doesn’t change and is used with circles, and America is a backwards country who do dates backwards so they call today, 14/3, Pi Day, and being American use the day as an excuse less to do mathematics and more to eat pie, and not proper pie like steak and kidney but dessert pies like pumkin pie.”
You might have guessed, I don’t like pie day because I think it’s dumb.
Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been doing a lot more cooking around the house. It stemmed from a discussion with Holly about how she tends to prepare the menu and do the majority of the cooking during a week, with me only stepping in for certain meals, mainly ones that involve chips, or easy things like making a pasta bake from a jar.
So, in the middle of April I decided to get more involved. I’m not sure why now has worked when all previous attempts to get me to cook have failed, but I’d say over the last couple of weeks I’ve probably cooked more than Holly, although I openly admit she has done a lot of ingredient preparing.
I’ve cooked a variety of things (as I type some stuffed peppers are in the oven for tonight’s dinner), and over the course of my baby steps in this culinary journey (jeez that is so clichéd. Pretend I didn’t type that) I’ve learnt various things about cooking and, by extension, myself.
- I get garlic and ginger confused in my mind, although not in my mouth or my nose, so hopefully I’ll avoid and disasters on that front.
- I use a lot of spoons when cooking.
- iPads may not randomly close and lose your page whilst your hands are full like a recipe book will, but the screen timeout will still always wait until the most inopportune moment.
- My lack of confidence in the kitchen manifests itself as striving for perfection. “It says 1cm chunks in the recipe. These are 1.2cm. I need to start again.”
- “The juice of one lemon” is a difficult amount to measure when coming out of one of those squirty bottles.
- Also, too much lemon juice can make food taste like washing up liquid.
- Saffron is not a yellow powdered spice, and apparently costs more per kilo than heroin, gold or bull semen. Despite this, these are not suitable substitutes.
- Cooking vegetarian food reduces the fear of food poisoning.
- Most foods are far less poisonous than you fear – not all vegetables or meats are blowfish-like with only a tiny, edible portion surrounded by sickness and death.
- Baking cakes from a packet mix is fun and easy, but makes you feel guilty when people start complimenting you for how nice they are.
I’m not sure yet if cooking for me is a passing fad, whether I’ll actually improve, or if I’ll just be capable of reading from a recipe book from the rest of my life. The ultimate test will come when I run out of recipes from the iPad ‘Good Food’ app I’m currently using.
Yesterday, my very good friend James popped over, just in time for it to start snowing. Not knowing what to eat for dinner, we nipped over to Tesco to find some grub.
When we found Tesco already pushing large amounts of chocolate eggs on us, we began to wonder… could you make a chocolate omelette using Cadbury’s Creme Eggs?
What follows is the recipe we developed.
I want to make one thing entirely clear: this was an entirely sober project. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.
Whilst shopping in Tesco today, I saw some chocolate that was, for once, honestly titled.
We’re now up to quadruple chocolate cookies.
Not just cookies. Super quadruple megaultrachocolate flavoured cookies.
It’s only a matter of time before they have to start branding them as cookie flavoured chocolates, rather than the other way round.