By my count, Fearne Cotton raised nearly £2m for Comic Relief by wearing a swimsuit. Or rather, a large number of perverts raised nearly £2m for Comic Relief by wanting to see Fearne Cotton in a swimsuit, which ultimately amounts to the same thing but is slightly more relevant to this post.
If you’re not familiar with how she managed this feat, let me fill you in: Fearne Cotton was a guest on Chris Moyles’ record-breaking 52-hour-long show on Radio 1, and promised that if listeners broke through the £2m barrier of funds raised by the show (which was sitting somewhere round the £1.7m or £1.8m mark, I believe), then she would wear a swimsuit for the Radio 1 webcam. Suffice to say, the listeners surpassed this, hitting a mark slightly over £2.4m, and then crashed the Radio 1 website in their attempts to view the fruit of their endeavours.
Capitalising on this, on the Comic Relief broadcast on BBC One on Friday night, Alan Carr made the promise that if they received 100,000 £10 texts by the end of their segment, the viewers would again see Fearne in her swimsuit. They received 120,000 such texts, raising £1.2m, and the perverts were once again sated.
This, to me, sounds a little odd. Let’s be frank here: no one pays for porn on the internet. There’s so much free stuff out there there’s simply no need to invest in decent pornography any more – unless you have very, very specific tastes, of course.
And yet, a bunch of men nursing semis donated a combined total of almost two million pounds in order to see a girl in her swimsuit. A very specific girl, I grant you, but even so – two million pounds?
And this got me thinking. Not about Fearne Cotton in a swimsuit, there’s now enough shots of that on the internet to keep everyone happy. Men (and presumably some women) around the country have put their hands in their pockets (get your mind out of the gutter, you know what I mean) for a good cause. And also to raise money for Comic Relief. If they had done it at any other time of the year, how many would have done this so readily?
In other words, because it’s for charity, there’s no guilt for paying to see a girl in a swimsuit. Which brings me round to a solution that would benefit both the ailing porn industry, and raise a raft of money for charity. Let’s go back to paying for porn and give half of the money raised to charity. That way, we get porn with no guilt (unless you make a mess of course, but then that’s your own lookout), the porn industry gets an income that must be higher that what they’re currently getting, and we raise money for good causes.
What could possibly be wrong with that?